When Mei Ling kept missing our sessions, I couldn’t understand it – she was always so enthusiastic about exercise. She finally came clean, telling me her boyfriend is freakin’ ‘clingy’. I wish she had just told me sooner! I got a company to make this prototype for me, and now every time he settles for his usual Sunday cuddle ‘n’ snooze on the couch, she slips this little baby in and comes to see me. We worked it out!

A couple of clients have been saying they are just too tired for exercise after a long day in the office. I had to do something, so I have been developing these specs with a local pharmacy, knowing that Rhino Charge used responsibly in eye drop form, could wake the dead, never mind the tired.

This kind member of the public, who has asked to remain nameless, agreed to try the eye drops out. She was awake for 3 days, giving her ample time to spend her £10 fee.

I had been working with Danny for three sessions, and after he had told me he his problems, I tried to offer some advice courtesy of my trade mark sit-up-and-listens. But he wasn’t putting it to practise. The advice was brilliant – what was he playing at?

Turns out he is just a little hard of hearing. I got two standard size party hats left over from the Gym Box Christmas party and in seconds, he was hearing me loud and clear. Now that I am finally getting through, he promises to change those specs by the end of the week.

This is my ‘Great’ Aunt Lil. She sent me this little picture last week to rub my face in it. Lil has never had time for what I do; she’s always telling me exercise and a healthy lifestyle is a waste of time. But I don’t believe ol’ Lil made a century without doing some serious exercise on the sly – look at the size of those fingers; she’s been doing my Hands-On Hands program for starters.

When Becky came to me, complaining of regularly feeling light headed I knew I had to take serious action. I built her this special machine which not only helps keep her arms, stomach and lower back in top shape, but most importantly, keeps the blood in her brain.

She might be a local laughing stock, but despite a notably redder face, Becky wants everyone to know she isn’t remotely embarrassed. She feels great!

I’m thinking of starting a new rowing machine class. But first we need to define rowing. ‘Rowing’ means different things to different people here in the UK. But I reckon the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive!

With my new class, I want to give warring couples a chance to row whilst they row. And with the ‘rowing rowing’ machines placed opposite each other, couples can keep meeting in the middle for a more intense ‘shout off’.

Finally a class that let’s you get the stuff off your chest, but also your arms and legs too. I can’t think of a better way to Work It Out.

At last! We’ve all worked it out with the snow and spring is knocking on our doors. This is vital prep time – summer’s around the corner and you’ll soon be on a beach somewhere, chowing down on a lolli-chop in your swimming costume.

There ain’t no place to hide in a bikini or speedos – they’re pretty much body cling-wrap.

Don’t be that gross schmuck on the beach that everyone’s pointin’ and whisperin’ about. Call Gym Box and get yourself Venice beach ready with the Pillar today

Some of you new starters are worried you might stick out like a sore thumb in the gym and are desperate to learn the lingo; here’s a few phrases I sometimes hear;

“That’s not fat, it’s soft muscle.”

“I’m just watching these light weights for a friend”

“What goes sit-up, must go sit-down”

But who wants those? That’s gym talk of a quitter. So hit ‘em with this instead, “I’m part of the Pillar revolution, are you?”