Me and Jeremy Irons in an extreme pilates workout titled ‘Pumping Irons’. Who wouldn’t buy this? I’m sure Jez would be up for it, right?

Wow! Here’s a snap of The Pillar taken with none other than Olympic gold medalist James Degale MBE. Great to get some advice from him on a program I’m developing, look out for my Blow-Jabs workout later this year.

Some of you may have had a look around the site, but are asking yourselves, ‘Am I ready to Work It Out?’ I want you to take a look at Harry. He’s 6 and came to me with a host of problems that were getting him down; his Mum had confiscated his Tamagotchi; school bullies were pushing his straw irretrievably inside his carton of five-alive; he’s got 11 stickers of Frank Lampard that not one bastard would swap for a ‘shiny’ Chelsea. We took these frustrations, and we worked it out.

Guy’s, BIG NEWS. Since their X-Factor eviction, I’ve been a Pillar for Jedward. They came to me desperate to beef up, and to be able to sing. It goes without saying, under anyone else’s mentorship, both would be ridiculous asks.

Not with me. I gave them these acheivable ‘goal photos’ and we’ll be unveiling their new look in February, But something inevitable has happened. The twins found me ludicrously inspirational. Their boss ‘Louis,’ called; would I make a lost duo, a kick-ass threeo?

‘No can do-o’.

These boys need to realise if the Pillar joined every musical superstar that begged him, he’d have no time for VUP’s. So don’t believe what you read in the papers; Jedwardillar isn’t happening.