Nicola came to me 3 months ago a size 8 and seriously p.i.s.s.e.d. Her boyfriend is in the Navy and two weeks after he was called to duty, she found out he had been doing the dirty with one of her best mates. He is finally returning the week after next from service, and Nicola informs me she is ready for this.

I had a little guy come to me today, really down on his luck. In a lower headlock-deadlock than usual, he told me that he just couldn’t find a job. At every turn, potential employers were telling him his height was a major disadvantage. What?  The Pillar doesn’t think so. This just needed a visionary. At the end of our first session we already worked it out.
You’re looking at London’s first cat-flap repair man.
Drop me a line if any of you need this midget’s digits. No job too small. (No long-haired cat work taken, he has an allergy.)

Become friends with me on Facebook before the 15/02/10 to enter the competition. Il be waiting…

The best way to get you puppies in shape.

Guys, early 2010 is a tough time. It’s cold, you’re poor after Christmas, and you’re left with a load of crap presents from people who apparently love you.

I’m thinking of doing an ‘It’s Annoying and Needs Destroying’ class. Bring in your unwanted presents*, subject them to my no-nonsense exercise program and leave with them in smithereens, or your money back. You won’t need the receipt after you’re done here.

Who is with me? Let me know what bad presents you get and I’ll work out how to destroy them with optimum satisfaction.

*  - No dogs allowed. For Christmas, life or otherwise.

Hey nutritionalites!

Who is this Atkins dude all of you keep preaching about? The guy’s a massive, malnourished phoney.  Come on guys – work it out! If you want REAL nutrition then you need EVERY food group in EVERY mouthful.

I know that can be a big ask on a conventional fork; that’s why I’m working on the ‘5-A-Day-Fork-up’. No need to thank me; it’s my forkin’ pleasure.