Guy’s, BIG NEWS. Since their X-Factor eviction, I’ve been a Pillar for Jedward. They came to me desperate to beef up, and to be able to sing. It goes without saying, under anyone else’s mentorship, both would be ridiculous asks.

Not with me. I gave them these acheivable ‘goal photos’ and we’ll be unveiling their new look in February, But something inevitable has happened. The twins found me ludicrously inspirational. Their boss ‘Louis,’ called; would I make a lost duo, a kick-ass threeo?

‘No can do-o’.

These boys need to realise if the Pillar joined every musical superstar that begged him, he’d have no time for VUP’s. So don’t believe what you read in the papers; Jedwardillar isn’t happening.

Everyone should have a Tree Hugging friend